a post soo long ago

instead of making me feel secured of your love, you’re doing nothing to prove anything at all. and you’re just doing exactly what i’d expect you to do - waiver and on a standstill - a man with no tangible plans.i’m no saint, maybe i’m just like you, a man without a plan but somehow, i make up to the point i do what i say. not to please anyone but to prove to myself am worthy of myself and of this life. drama, i know. but isn’t it true for you too?

i ask myself over and over : When will i ever be secured of your insecure love?

why did you come back anyway?

yes, i should be jumping for joy coz the 1 i love noticed me. again.

all the while you got bored and now you’re going back to the person you got bored with in the first place?

did you ever find what you were missing out? that part of you your were chasing?

have you?

Geez.

i was doing fine. i didn’t want to care about you since this year started and now i ask myself why i do.

are you waiting for someone to snatch me away from you? because at this point, to me, you’re not serious, sincere or anything at all. you will always have ‘options’ and i just don’t want to be part of it. cause if someone would, maybe i’d take his offer instead.

it should be like, all or nothing. cause that’s what i did all this time and those times you weren’t here and left me on the cold.

i want you to man up! man up for your sake, if not for me.

i admit that i know nothing about you. and at one point in time, i was willing to start over - get to know the real you. but i may never have that anymore. ‘cause you won’t.

you’re like the wind. just comes and go whenever you like.

malabong kausap.

maybe i’m wrong about this but i just want this out of my chest.

[whoa. felt like writing a story here. lol]

tada!

i admit, my insecurities get the best of me. i wake up in the morning thinkin i’m ugly and i’m worthless..i need a guy who wont tell me shit like you’re beautiful and you’re the only girl in the world for me and there’s not anyone like you because i’m not. i’m not the only girl and there may be a lot better than me, prettier and smarter than me.but guess what. you’re right about me being the only one like me out there. nobody loved you more than i did. more than anyone knew at all.i need a man who’d prove to me that he’s not some other asshole. i need a man who knows he’s the man for me and won’t rest until he let’s me know and shows it.yes, i know it’s difficult but as long as you bring the worst and the best in us, we’re on the right track.

Breathe good, clean air.

i have always been searching for a third place. a place where i can place my heart at peace. lately, i desperately needed it. my heart is not calm again nor does my thoughts.

i hate times like these. it makes me feel vulnerable, angry most often than. this has been triggered by the same stress factor. i know, crazy ain’t it?

my principles are very simple. i submit myself to the golden rule and i still maintain that principle till now. another thing is, i don’t approach people to help me breathe. let me rephrase that: i don’t see people as ‘breathers’ in order to move on. too much investment of emotions, of time and etc. i dislike the thought of using other people for my own gain and that is why i have to learn how to be independent.

somehow, it’s a much difficult task than i first thought.

*sigh*

i wish i could find my third place soon. i really need to be with nature and breathe good, clean air.

i take nature as a breather, not persons.

(P.S Dear God, i’m still oh so very mad to the person who triggered this.[over and over]. i am tired : physically and emotionally.)